I've Got Big Dreams and I Cannot Lie

by - Sunday, March 01, 2020

the Letter from the Editor as it appears in the March 2020 issue

As we lay in bed, caught in that soft moment before sleep steals us from each other, my husband told me about a local man who just bought a home up north for $10,000. Ten thousand dollars. “We could sell our house and move there and be so much further ahead,” he said.

I saw myself quitting my day job and finally being able to go all-in on my personal business pursuits. I saw this magazine growing because I’d have the time to give it what it deserves. I saw myself publishing a new novel every year. I saw my desk laid out before a huge picture window overlooking the arctic tundra and I knew it wouldn’t be so bad because I love thick socks and layering sweaters and mug after mug of steaming tea or coffee. I saw myself being excruciatingly happy. Remote? Yes. But connected in a way I’m always striving for but never quite achieving.

“Could you be happy there?” I asked him. “Without your friends and your life here? Would you be happy?”

Of course, like every romantic before me, I’d love to hear I’m all he needs for happiness, but I am also a realist and I don’t believe in false platitudes.

“No,” he said. “No, I don’t think I would be.”

I have dreams. Most of them are much bigger than me, but I’m not afraid of them. By keeping such things to yourself, the chance of them seeing the light of day is slim. By saying what we want out loud, we give the universe a chance to answer.

I spent much of January drooling over a commercial space one town over from me. I made floor plans and financial plans and researched start-up grants. I want to build a community hub that functions as a creative co-op, not only giving Blank Spaces a brick and mortar home base, but also offering weekly workshops and readings and writing jams. I want to create the kind of space I think my corner of Ontario is sorely lacking.

Maybe it’s a pipe dream. Maybe it’s not. I’m just going to leave it here and see what happens. Who knows. Maybe you’ve been looking for a project to sink your teeth into and want to partner with me. Stranger things have happened.

Tenacity is a powerful tool and I plan to make it work in my favour. Sure, I’m not selling everything I own to escape into the great white north, but I am taking baby steps towards the things I want.

Sometimes the only thing standing in our way is our own fear to pursue the dreams that have rooted themselves deeply within us. Those dreams are there for a reason. They are yours and they matter. Challenge yourself to say them out loud. You never know what might happen.

Alanna Rusnak

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